Hello and welcome to the thirteenth episode of the powerful questions podcast. My name is David Shaked. In this episode of the podcast, I’m going to introduce you to a really easy and useful way to use a powerful generative question to help yourself or others get unstuck.
From time to time, many of us experience ourselves losing our energy or momentum with a project we’re working on or a priority we’re pursuing that is important to us. It can be anything – a professional project at work or a personal priority outside of work. We might start something we care about or feel motivated to achieve or learn, but at some point, we lose the momentum, the interest, or feel that our energy fizzles out.
Sometimes, something else takes priority and our attention shifts. Other times, the rate of progress doesn’t seem fast enough, and we lose heart. And of course, in many cases, we encounter a significant challenge we did not expect and feel discouraged.
Whatever the case may be, we find ourselves stuck with no progress with something we once cared about or really wanted to achieve! It might start with just a bump in the road – but if we don’t find a way to reconnect with or find our energy and resolve, our progress comes to a halt. Sometimes it even reverses.
I guess we all face such experiences from time to time. It’s not always easy to stay upbeat and focused all the time. I know I experience moments of stuckness regularly, even with projects or priorities that I deeply care about. Even through the journey of creating this podcast – which I am very proud of and excited about– there have been moments I felt a complete lack of motivation or clarity. Not to mention the goals I have around my fitness!
Our tendency in such moments is to inquire into the reasons for getting stuck. To find an explanation for why we stopped making progress and try to address those issues. We may do it as an internal conversation, asking: “why am I feeling so stuck?” or “why have I lost my mojo about this?”
In other cases, those around us – partners, friends, colleagues or bosses – might notice we haven’t made progress and ask us similar questions in order to find out what prevents our progress. From experience, when others ask you such questions, even if they come with good intentions to help and with deep care, they normally make you feel even worse!
The reason why we feel worse when we reflect on, or when we’re asked about why we’re stuck is because what we focus on grows in our minds and in our reality. Sooner or later, it spills over, and we start to feel an overarching sense of loss, failure or confusion about other parts of our lives. In fact, I already mentioned this idea that what we focus on grows in our reality in the first episode of this podcast when I encourage you to ask about the highest moments of your or other people’s stories. It’s very easy to turn one experience of stuckness or lack of progress in one area to an overwhelming sense of failure and helplessness.
So how might we get unstuck?
To begin with, I WOULD NOT focus on understanding WHY you are feeling stuck. There might be a million different reasons for that. And in fact, as tempting and straightforward as it might seem, I don’t think it is particularly helpful to inquire, explore and ruminate about them. Even if you found the reason, you wouldn’t necessarily find a way around it.
Instead, my suggestion to you is to first figure out how exactly you want to feel about your project or goal. Is it a sense of commitment? Energy? Motivation? Happiness or joy? Would you like to feel like you are making real and tangible progress?
How would you like to feel in relation to your priority?
Once you’ve identified what exactly you wish to experience or feel, the idea is simple: use a powerful question to tap into the LAST TIME you felt exactly that with regards to this project or priority.
For example, suppose you were working on a vital project at work – a project that was personally important to you. Or perhaps you were committed to improving your ability to speak a different language. Suddenly, and for whatever reason, your progress stalls and you find yourself unable to reignite your interest or passion in pursuing these priorities. Ask yourself: “How would I like to feel about this project or about my learning of this language?” It might be different feelings or experiences for different priorities. Perhaps you want to feel like you are making significant progress with your work on the project, or you might want to feel committed and energised about learning that new language.
You could ask yourself and reflect on:
When did I last feel like I was making significant progress in this project?
Or,
When did I last feel committed and energised about learning this language?
The idea is that through these types of questions we can reconnect with a particular point in time when we felt better or experienced something better about our projects and priorities.
Once we become aware of those specific moments, we can further zoom in on those specific experiences and reflect or inquire about what was going on at the time or what was helpful in making progress, or in feeling committed and energised, or even who helped us feel that way in relation to the project. It only takes a few minutes of reflection and the ideas on how to reignite our motivation will surface in our consciousness.
You see, knowing, in as much detail as possible, what HELPED YOU make progress or feel energised about something resources you with useful clarity about what is helpful to you in feeling the way you want to feel about that project or priority. It is far more useful than identifying what gets you stuck or prevents your progress. Often there is no connection between what prevents your progress and what helps it. In other words, trying to prevent or reverse the causes for your stuckness will be less helpful than knowing what gets you going and in a flow.
There could be many possibilities to use the question “When did you last feel…” depending on the priority area and how you want to feel about it. For example, you could ask when was the last time you felt involved or cared about this? When were you last pleased with the progress you achieve in this project? When were you last in flow working on this? When did you last experience joy with this? There are plenty of possibilities and versions for this powerful question!
Beyond helping yourself get unstuck, this type of powerful question can be super helpful to those around you who might feel lack of inspiration about something they once cared about or who might be stuck with something they wish to pursue. Often, they give us useful clues for the inquiry by describing how they used to feel about that project or how they are feeling now. For example, they might say “I used to feel so motivated about going to the gym” or “I lost my interest in learning how to draw”. You can help them by inquiring about the last time they felt motivated to go to the gym or had a strong sense of interest in learning how to draw.
You can follow up on the initial question with further questions to bring clarity and more granular details about what exactly was happening at the time they were motivated, or what helped them feel interested in going to the gym or in drawing at that time. How you follow on the initial question of “when did you last feel…” helps by shedding light on really useful ways to reignite their motivation or interest.
And of course, you can help teams who have a shared goal or are working on a shared project to get unstuck in a similar way!
Lastly, here is another tip for this question. Sometimes you or others who feel stuck with something might struggle with recalling a time they felt differently about their project or pursuit. It might not be because they did not experience it at all, but rather because of the intensity of their current feeling of being stuck. In that case, you can still help by asking about other moments when they have experienced being motivated, energised or in flow about OTHER projects or priorities. This way, you are raising their awareness of things that could help energise or motivate in a more general way.
As I bring this episode to a close, I am curious about the impact of this episode on you. Did you recall moments of motivation or higher energy about something that matters to you? What areas in your professional or personal life can you jump start again? Who else around you can benefit from you asking this powerful question? I hope you and those around you enjoy this boost of energy and motivation!
