Tell me about a time...

This powerful question might come as a surprise.... It is not phrased as a classic question and yet it packs inside so much... and it is my favourite! 

Stories hold so many insights, wisdom and energy. Learn how to tap into your stories and other people's stories by using this type of powerful question.  

Transcript

Welcome to this first episode of the powerful questions podcast. My name is David Shaked, and in this episode, we will take a look at one type of question. It’s the “Tell me about a time…”question and it’s my favourite! 

Strictly speaking, this isn’t a question. After all, it doesn’t start with a verb, or with the famous “5Ws and 1H” – the words Who, What, Where, When, Why or How. Instead, I’d like to look at it more as extending an invitation born out of curiosity. An invitation to share a story with a person who is curious about you. 

You might be asking yourself, does everyone have a story to tell? What if they don’t? 

Well, I believe – and personal experience has shown me – that we all have stories to tell! We might not think of them as stories per se, but think about it – what if I simply asked, what did you do yesterday? Or what do you do when you start your work? Or how did you choose and develop your career?  I am sure that you would be able to tell me a story, even though it might be a simple one.  

In fact, many people don’t tell such stories because they think they are too mundane and uninteresting. But it doesn’t mean they don’t have a story. Not only do we all have stories, we can gain a lot by recalling ours and sharing them, and by listening to other people’s stories. Stories help us get to know and connect with each other more deeply, they help us make sense of our reality, understand what others are passionate about, and they help us understand ourselves and others in ways that go far beyond sharing facts. 

I have been practising Appreciative Inquiry for many years. Appreciative Inquiry is a strengths-based approach to change that is based on asking generative questions and co-creating the desired future using our strengths. Before I knew about it, I believed that I should always look for facts to be able to best understand people or situations. I always focused on questions that would point me in the direction of those facts –How much does it cost to produce X? Where do I find more Y? What is the level of Z?  Through Appreciative Inquiry I was exposed to the power of storytelling and the contribution it can make to everyday life – at work and outside work. When I recall many of the presentations I made in my job and all the spreadsheets I analysed, there was always a story to tell through the dry numbers, graphs and well-organised bullet points. A story that brought dry facts to life and gave them meaning.

So, now that I’ve hopefully convinced you that we all have stories and that sharing and listening to them could be useful, what stories should we focus on? The choice is, in fact, very important given that we can probably tell a story about every aspect of every experience we have in life. What are the stories among them that could provide interesting insights?

Again, I refer to my practice of Appreciative Inquiry, which highlights the value of stories about our highest moments in life or at work. Those moments where we’ve achieved something special, experienced high energy, felt proud of something, overcome a challenge, expressed our creativity, or shone in one way or another –individually, as part of a group, an organisation, or even at a larger scale. 

Why these stories and not others? After all, we also have and can tell stories about our lowest moments, our troubled times, our angry experiences. 

Many of us tend to share negative stories a lot more often than stories of high moments. We have a certain negative bias which most of us aren’t aware of. Just listen to any news report and you’ll see what I mean.  Even in peaceful, prosperous or dull times, the news will cover the worst experiences from around the world. 

Stories of our high moments, on the other hand, connect us to our own resourcefulness, our abilities, our strengths and our energy. They open a window to inner, less visited or used parts of our identity – our passions, our values, what drives us and what we are capable of.  Wouldn’t you want to access all of that wisdom in yourself and in others?

But there is another element to consider which is – what we focus on will grow in our mind and in the reality we create.  This means we should be mindful and choiceful about the stories we invite. 

While we can always ask about high moments in general, the question and stories that we get in response can be even more potent if we focus the question further on something we, or the people we work and live with, want to create or expand.

For example, what would you like to create or expand in your life or work? Is it greater happiness? More confidence? Satisfaction at work? Good relationships with your team members? Innovation?  First name it or find out what is wanted. Then, you could ask yourself or your team members (depending on the situation) to recall a high moment when you or they experienced it, asking yourself, or them, to: 

Recall an experience you had when you felt happy…were satisfied with the work you were doing…. When you enjoyed good relationships with a team you were part of…. Or were involved in developing something innovative…

Whatever you or those around you wish to create, chances are you have already done that or experienced it at least to some degree in the past – at some point of your life – either professionally or personally, even if it was a long time ago! Recalling that experience and probing into it with further questions can help you and others reconnect with that experience, find out how exactly it came about, what strengths of yours were engaged, what was useful in achieving success and so on. It is very likely your energy will rise and fresh ideas will emerge.   

Finally, if you are asking this kind of question of those around you, it is important to pose it with an assumption that the person you are interacting with HAS AN INTERESTING  STORY TO TELL. Even if it requires a couple of minutes to think of a relevant story or the story is about something that happened a long time ago. Don’t ask “Can you tell me about a time you experienced great success with a project?” Assume they did have a successful project that they can tell you about, even if it was a long time ago as a child working on a school project. Simply pose the question as an invitation: “Tell me about a time you experienced success with a project you were involved with…” – your confidence in them having a story to tell will make it easier for them to recall and share the story.

Before closing this episode, may I pose a question to you, my dear listeners?  Recall a time you were inspired to try something new, having just listened to someone describing it in conversation, in a podcast or a radio show….  An experience where you tried this new idea and it helped you in one way or another….. What did you try then? How? What did you learn from that experience that could be useful to you now?  What are you tempted to try, based on what I covered in this episode?

I hope you found this episode interesting and useful and that it inspires you to pose this kind of question to the people around you. Give it a try! You’ll be surprised by the impact on both you and the people you ask.  

Now I’m curious to hear about your experiences with this question!